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Madt

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hand grenade pins in every line [Dec. 10th, 2007|09:51 pm]
Madt
[mood |awakeawake]
[music |Linkin Park]

ever wonder what happens when you let go?
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"Come on all you good rats, I'll see you in Heaven" [Aug. 27th, 2007|05:16 pm]
Madt
[mood |tranquil]
[music |Dropkick Murphys- Good Rats]

Riddle me this:

I'm driving around town doing whatever makes me busy, and I see a county license plate in front of me read "MR-85."  It is the subtle nuances like these that make me wonder if what I am doing, at whatever moment I notice something like that license plate, is what I am destined to do.  Is it a checkpoint or something? Am I on the right path? It's just odd.  And it happens often: things that seem like coincidence but are just too accurate and have too good a timing to really be, just coincidence.

It's fuckin weird man.

but cool.










ps some people aren't meant to have a long friendship with, only short and distant passings by.
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Nothing but a two beach comber [Jun. 4th, 2007|02:07 pm]
Madt
[mood |mellowmellow]
[music |RHCP- Hump de Hump]

I find myself looking in the mirror, a lot. I look at my chin, my cheeks, my nose, my razor burn, my stubble, and even my face. I just look at myself, and i sometimes think I look different than what i really look like.  Is the mind truly the master of what we see?  Can it really mask the reality of things? let us hope it can.

It's strange I imagine, but I do it anyway.

And then I think of my regrets, I have many. I've done some stupid things in my life, really thoughtless and stupid, and can't shake the guilt. And I just can't forget it and move on. Just my luck I suppose.

Work is getting to me. I work as hard as I can, help as many people as I can, try to be that guy who doesn't say no to a favor, and what do I get, I get nothing. People are downright mean to me, my bosses are incompetent and I feel like I'm talking to work manuals, and it's all getting very old. There are still some things keeping me from going postal, but it's not going to hold forever.

I don't know what it is but I can never properly write what i want to, I never can find the right words to say how I really feel.  I guess all those years as an introvert paid off, figures.   I guess I'll try to write more about my observations and thoughts.  But its hard because i notice things and see things that others just pass by and ignore, I see nuonces and little details and take note of them.  And I see the humour in some thigns that most cannot. 

I know this all seems disconnected and unorganized, but when you think like I do: see all the angles, absorb all the information, and process everything very rapidly, this all makes sense.

I an confident I am unique, a different kind of animal than most, thinking differently, acting differently, and living differently.

But for now, I'll keep traveling, and watching, and learning.

Godspeed
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Perpetual Motion, the Image won't focus [Nov. 10th, 2006|01:09 am]
Madt
[mood |exhaustedexhausted]
[music |Give it all- Rise Against]

<td align="center"> Matthew --
[adjective]:

Visually addictive

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>
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People, Keep on Dyin [Jun. 25th, 2006|11:38 pm]
Madt
[mood |curiouscurious]
[music |Higher Ground- Red Hot Chili Peppers]

I've been thinking a lot lately, about my life this summer. About my life at school, my life in the fraternity. Not really the kind of thinking that my girlfriend should be worried about, just thinking about my individual life.

I go to work, I do my job, I go home. That's my ethic for work, do my job and go home. I don't get into the socio-political bullshit that is in every workplace, I don't worry myself with gossip. I do what is expected of me and I go home.

But when I'm home I do nothing really productive. I fix my car, ok iguess that works, but it's nothing wholesome or meaningful. I put all my sports cards that have worth into top loaders, ok, that's a bit of security for my future, but it's not very refreshing. I do errands and chores to satisfy my mom, so she's not angry with me, but god knows she's gonna be angry with me about SOMETHING. I run into people I know around town, but i feel awkward because I never know what to say, because I'm horrible with keeping in touch with people, and I feel worse because of it.

This summer i thought I could find some true meaning to my life, not have the bullshit of my fraternity, not have school and deadlines and projects, be able to solidify my individual life. Should I read? Should I work out more? Should I work out? Should I get another tattoo? I'm not sure where to go from here.



I ran into Alex awkwardly a couple days ago, said hey, not sure what else would've worked, and then she went on her way. I don't remember saying what she said I did, but if I did I was probably being facitious. Such is life I guess. It was all justified though when I went to drive off and Crazy Bitch came on the Zone by BuckCherry. I felt vindicated. And it was fuckin hilarious.
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Slow Cheetah comin for ya [Jun. 12th, 2006|12:40 am]
Madt
[mood |mellowmellow]
[music |Slow Cheetah- RHCP]

day off from work tomorrow will be nice. I gotta work on the tracker, go to the bank, maybe go to Sears to do something with the I.C. that Rick talked about, then work on the outside berm. I went to the SPOT tonight with Rick and his Katie and me and mine. it was relaxing at least, I brought a bunch of Trivial Pursuit cards and it got pretty heated. What can I say, we're all pretty competitive. I guess there was some graduation on Gibbs St, Java's was packed.

It was nice to be in a Coffee Shop atmosphere, seeing all the introverts, scholars, posers, massively gay people, people studying for god-knows-what, and of course the art folk.



I love you, my heart is with you always, you mean the world to me, and I couldnt ask for anyone better thsn you. I love you, promise.
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Your cup is bound to overflow [Jun. 1st, 2006|03:58 pm]
Madt
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |The Wanderer]

Enough of the story for now, it's getting muddled I know, I gotta change some things. I gotta talk about X-men: the Last Stand. I've been a dedicated Marvel guy for a long time, and overall I was satisfied with the 3rd movie. If it was just for seeing Collosus in action, or seeing Beast as the Beast he is, or seeing Angel, or even seeing Iceman mature into his Iceman Cometh Skin, I'm not sure. What I was disappointed with was a couple things:

Cyclops was really emotional for a born leader. I understand this is a different strain of the X-men story from the Un-canny X men we see in the cartoon, but still Scott Summers is a leader, not a bitch.

Seeing Mystique be "cured" was a huge surprise. I was taken a back.

Dark Phoenix was not explained enough. Yes Jean Gray originally spawns Dark Phoenix then transforms into the Phoenix (good one), but her bad side just showed up, it was explained how it got there.

The one true thing that pissed me off was that Leech had an affect on Juggernaut. For the the last possible time, JUGGERNAUT IS NOT A BORN MUTANT, OR EVEN A MUTANT. He was born a Homo-Sapian and found the gem of Cyttorak. That gem gave him the Juggernaut power. It is encased in his helmet and when he takes off his helmet he doesn't have that power anymore. Therefore, he is not a mutant and LEECH SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD ANY POWER OVER HIM. THAT WAS RiDICULOUS. I was supremely disappointed to see him get knocked out hitting a wall.

I would have liked to have seen more dialogue with Peitr Rasputin and Kitty Pryde, they DO get together, instead of the innuendo of Ice Man and Shadow Cat becoming an item. And the need for Marie/Rogue to touch someone so badly she gives up her powers was ok, it wasn't momumental, but it was ok. One of the primary needs of a Human is physical contact from another Human, it's primitive. Not being able to just touch another person, something we all take for granted, would be so terrible.

So for right now, that is my talk on the movie, it was entertaining, but I would have liked to have see na little loyatly.

Peace
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It's hard to wake up, when the shades have been pulled shut [Mar. 27th, 2006|03:54 pm]
Madt
[mood |creativecreative]
[music |Stay Together for the Kids- Blink 182]

Dear You,

Cutting train routes in your arms isn't half as fun as drugs little one. Hate the man and the man hates you back, take a little time to realize, that your path is not straight and narrow. Your life is fucked up more than you know, but you are not the one to take the lead. Bite the Mailman, scratch out his eyes, tear apart butterflies. Hate me for seeing you through, bleed the highways in your mind. But rest assured drugs are fun. eat your sins and be marry. Scar your friends and tear apart your loves. You don't care, no you don't. but rest assured drugs are fun. put this to a song, sing the words and feel the cold. Freeze to melodies, warmth in hatred. Hate me if you must, but rest assured, drugs are fun.

My highways to you,

Travis




This is the letter he gave her. He spent all night and all day and all night and all day trying to find the right words, right sentences. right paper. He scribbled it down and left it in her pocket. She would find it and read it he thought, surely she would. After all, it was a love letter, what girl doesn't want to read a love letter?
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The man who failed the dream [Jan. 17th, 2006|08:25 pm]
Madt
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |Betrayed- Avenged Sevenfold]

"I hate you, all of you, every taste and every breath on my body or in my mouth is acid smoking my innards. I want you to die, be pulled apart piece by piece by wolverines, each strip of skin and muscles ripped off each bone. Then boiled in oil and left for the vultures. I want you dead, to go away, gone. I want you to go away. Go away Dylan, Leave me alone. Go bleed yourself dry and play with the birds. I'm tired. I don't even know where to go anywhere. Everyone i know hates us. They hate you and what you've turned me into. I'm YOUR PERFECT CREATION DYLAN. AREN'T YOU HAPPY NOW? Fuck, man. You did this to me, Me. ME. MEEEEEEE. You need to die Dylan, die. You need to stop breathing, you need to die. die. Die. DIEEEEE."

"You won't do it. Put the gun down."

It's just like putting a gun to your head.

"Your last word."

"I own you."

"That was three."





I pull the trigger, bullet through his left temple, I fall dead, rest. in peace.



And the peace of the Lord be with you always. Amen.
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And I'm wasting all my words on lower case and capitals [Nov. 23rd, 2005|01:15 am]
Madt
[mood |relaxedrelaxed]
[music |Aeroplane- Red Hot Chili Peppers]

To try and write (type) what I am thinking or what I am feeling is quite difficult. My mind works so quickly I cant remember it enough to record it. Such is Life i suppose. My girlfriend asks me what I am thinking, and at the moment when she asks me my mind clears. I find myself daydreaming too, randomly, without reason. I think my creative mind has overtaken my logical one on a day-to-day aspect.

My Art professor was asking today in class if any of us would burn our favorite most prized art work. Or if we would destroy the original copy of what we thought to be our best work. I think I was the only one to raise my hand besides her. For me, even if it is the ultimate limit of my ability, the best thing produced by my hand, the greatest work I could ever do, I would destroy it. Because that split-second after i was done with it, sub-consciously satisfied with it, before my hand rubbed it accidentally, or I breathed on it wrong, or it got altered in anyway afterwards; that split second after I was done and just looked at it, that moment of perfection, would be enough for me. All I would need was that brief moment to look at my work and take it in and think, "I did this, it is my work, rock n roll." And after that moment of infinity and perfection I wouldnt mind at all what happened to that piece.

My girlfriend wants to tell me about her past, and I've been telling her I want to be there for her in anyway and now I get to stand by my statement. I am interested in what she has to say, I am not prepared for it, but hey I dont mind at all. I hope I can help her in anyway and ask the right quesitons and have the wise answers. I love her, I made that promise and I keep my promises. I've made that promise with three other girls. I still love those three others, but with one exception they aren't the girls i fell in love with. I was not aware at the time that they were capable of turning into such people as they have. Love's a bitch sometimes, but worth every second.


I love you, My promise to you Katie


I skip from thought to thought but that is the nature of my mind when I am not trying to focus. It happens, life's too short to worry about small things. So I guess for now I will write about what I'm thinking about and what I'm feeling and what I've done. My story will continue, but for now not here. Peace
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